(cross posted with Stephanie’s personal blog)
(Photo by Justin Sullivan, from Jezebel.)
Yesterday, as the courts in California were making and announcing their decision, I was reflecting on my own engagement and wedding plans. There are two parts of the upcoming marriage that I love and look forward to: the first is all the pomp and decoration, whimsy and glamour. I love dinner parties, fresh flowers, old pewter, dresses with bustles, big hair, yards of ribbon, candlelight, and gathering my loved ones… I love these things on a daily basis. A wedding celebration is the perfect opportunity to celebrate with all of that and more.
I also love the Book of Common Prayer, and the liturgical ceremony that surrounds the formal ceremony. The BCP means much to me, again on a daily basis, and I look forward to marking this milestone in the relationship between Matt and me, and in our families and communities, with a ceremony rich in history and language.
But. It’s such a privilege that Matt and I get to be celebrated with tradition and history, and others aren’t. In fact, others in our families, in the bridal party, in the groom’s party, in the choir that will sing at the church, in those planning the wedding with us… our lives are deeply connected with loved ones who cannot have the same rights as we have.
And. Last night, I was comparing this to earlier civil rights struggles. (I do see this as a civil rights struggle.) What if I were living and planning my wedding in a time where black couples were not allowed to legally marry. Oh, they might be able and encouraged to have a private party, to have a non-sanctioned person bless their marriage, but they wouldn’t have the same rights and privileges as I have. Would I plan the wedding I’m planning? No. If my black classmates and floormates and colleagues could not marry, I would not want to exercise that privilege– I would see it as a gross flexing of rights in the face of injustice.
And isn’t that what I’m doing while continuing to peruse tulle and cake, when I am unfairly privileged to do so by unjust laws? What if we gave all of our wedding budget to the HRC?
If you haven’t seen it yet, watch the “Fidelity” video. And add your name to the list.